Marriages and Weddings

Jacob’s Dream  by Laya Crust

This week’s parsha, VaYeitze, tells the story of Jacob’s time in Padan Aram from start to finish. He left his family in Be’er Sheva to escape his bother’s wrath and seek a wife among his mother’s family. When he decided to return home he had two wives, two concubines, twelve sons and one daughter plus cattle and wealth.

When Jacob arrived in Padan Aram he saw his cousin Rachel at a well and fell in love with her. He promised to work for seven years for her hand in marriage. He was tricked by his Uncle Lavan and the morning after the wedding he discovered he had married Leah, the older sister. So Jacob worked an additional seven years in order to marry his beloved Rachel.

In this story we see the foundation of certain elements of the traditional Jewish marriage ceremony. Before the wedding ceremony under the chuppah we have the “Bedecken” when the groom sees the bride’s face before lowering her veil. This is to ensure the groom marries his chosen bride, and avoids the trick played on Jacob. As in ancient times there is an exchange of goods between the two families. The bride brings a dowry and the groom gives something of value to the bride’s family. In Isaac’s case his proxy, Eliezer, gave precious silver and gold and “raiment” to Rebecca’s family. In Jacob’s case he didn’t have valuables so he pledged to work for seven years for each of his brides.

Florentine Ketubah by Laya Crust

Over 2,000 years ago Jews began to use a written marriage contract. The ketubah, meaning “writ” in Hebrew, records the date and place of the wedding, the names of the bride and groom, and the financial obligations of each family. This legal document was the first legal document in history designed to ensure financial stability for a married woman.

Throughout time couples started to get decorated ketubahs. Now it is very popular for a couple to commission an original, hand written and painted ketubah, or to buy a poster-type ketubah on line.

I’ve been making ketubahs for decades and have designed and painted over 600 of them! The ketubah in still written in the ancient language of Aramaic and still mentions dowry and the husband’s responsibilities towards his wife and her well being.  Some traditions use actual dollar values and some ceremonially use ancient currencies.

 

Joy by Laya Crust ——- Tova and Cliel’s Stairway to Heaven by Laya Crust

Leah and Rachel, Jacob’s wives, didn’t have a ketubah. They were fortunate to be married to a man who took care of them and their children, honoured his obligations to his father-in-law, and was able to feed and shelter his large family. It’s true- there were jealousies and difficulties, but Jacob did take care of his own.

I love making ketubahs- discovering a couple’s dreams and preferences. If you want to see more examples of my ketubahs, maybe even order one or commission your own, take a look at my website: www.layacrust.com. 

Make sure to read this week’s Torah portion and enjoy. It’s the beginning of a world altering family saga! Have a Shabbat Shalom,

Laya

 

 

 

Toledot 5777

Red lentil soup, like Jacob used to make

 This week’s parsha is Toledot  (Generations). The parsha deals with the birth and sibling rivalry of Esau and Jacob- the twin sons of Rebecca and Isaac. Those babies were fighting even before they were born, to the point that Rebecca asked God what was going on with her pregnancy.

Esau loved being outside and hunting while Jacob stayed home, cooked, and according to the commentaries learned Torah. Esau traded his “birthright” for a bowl of Jacob’s soup – showing Esau’s impatience and disregard for tradition, and also showing Jacob’s desire to take advantage of his brother. The climax of the story is Rebecca and Jacob’s deception of Isaac. Rebecca convinces Jacob to masquerade as his brother in order to fool Isaac into giving Jacob the special blessing for the first born.

The story introduces all kinds of questions and puts flawed family dynamics into relief. Why did Isaac favour Esau while Rebecca favoured Jacob?  Why did Rebecca fool Isaac instead of talking to him? Was Isaac really taken in by Jacob’s deception? Maybe he suspected the truth but realized that Jacob was more suited to the blessing. Did the two brothers end up with the fates that most suited them in the long run? Esau would be a man of the field and Jacob would become the leader of the nation of Israel.

What seems to hold true is that poor family dynamics and communication skills certainly continued from generation to generation.  We see that this deception had repercussions that continued and echoed in the lives of our ancestors. Jacob fooled Esau and was fooled in turn by Lavan.

art by Laya Crust

Although Jacob was promised Rachel as a wife he was presented with Leah. Lavan justified himself by slyly announcing, “It is not done in our place to give the younger before the elder…” (Genesis 29:26) The favouritism Isaac and Rebecca showed each of their sons was echoed in the favouritism Jacob showed Joseph, favouring him above his brothers. The sibling rivalry between Jacob and Esau was repeated in the rivalry between Jacob’s twelve sons. Jacob’s sons lied to him as he had lied to Isaac.

The picture above  shows the “family dynamics. The blind, deceived Isaac is blessing his son Jacob. Rebecca is delaying Esau from coming in until the blessing is complete.  When Rebecca was pregnant Gd had told her that “the elder shall serve the younger”. She wanted to ensure that the prophecy came true.

Can we learn anything from this? There are many, many lessons. One is that hurt and dishonesty don’t disappear. They continue to spread like dust in the wind. The climactic story of the Isaac-Rebecca nuclear family was Rebecca and Jacob’s deception. It tore the family apart, causing Jacob to leave for many, many years. The two brothers never really solved their differences. Esau’s marriages never satisfied his parents. Deception and white lies were an undercurrent in Jacob’s own home.

I believe Jacob would have been the leader of our nation even without the ruse in today’s parsha. Without the ruse honesty and communication may have become a more utilised tool in our world.

If you would like the recipe for this fabulous Red Lentil Soup you can find it at an earlier post of mine:https://layacrust.wordpress.com/2014/11/19/toledot-red-lentil-stew/

Scroll down past the text and the ingredients are all listed.

Have a wonderful (and deception free) Shabbat.

 

Let’s pray for more peace and less vitriol!

Shabbat Shalom, Laya

 

 

VaYeitze – And he went out

art by Laya Crust

VaYeitze: Bereshit/ Genesis 27:10 – 32: 3

Haftarah: Hosea 11: 17 – 14 : 10

VaYetzei is the story of Yaakov’s (Jacob’s)  journey away from his parents’ home in Be’er Sheva  to his uncle’s tribe in Padan-aram. He was sent by Rivka to avoid Esau’s anger and to find a wife from her extended family.

 At the end of  Yaakov’s first day of travelling he lay down to sleep and dreamt that a ladder reached up to heaven. Angels ascended and descended the ladder and Gd stood above it. Gd told Yaakov “I will give you  and your descendants the land on which you lie. And your seed will be like the dust of the earth. You will spread abroad to the west, and to the east, and to the north, and to the south…And I am with you and will keep you in all the places you go and will bring you back to this land: for I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised…” (Bereshit/ Genesis 28: 13 – 15)

Yaakov continued his journey to Padan-aram and married, but didn’t return to Be’er Sheva immediately.His father-in-law invited him to stay and manage his flocks, recognizing that Yaakov was a clever shepherd and shrewd businessman. The story continues with the trajectory his life takes, following him for 20 years. We read about his marriage to two sisters, his cousins Rachel and Leah; the birth of eleven sons and one daughter; and the shepherding for his father-in-law Lavan. Under Yaakov’s management Lavan’s flocks and wealth increased. It all seemed like a positive arrangement until Lavan noticed how much wealth Yaakov was also accruing.  He and his sons became suspicious and possibly jealous of his son-in-law. Reading the signals, and listening to Gd’s words, Yaakov realized it was time to go home- to Israel. He returned to the land of his birth.

When he left Lavan’s territory ” …angels of Gd encountered him. When he saw them Jacob said, ‘This is Gd’s camp’ and named the place Mahanaim.” (Bereshit/ Genesis 32: 2,3)

This parsha can be seen as a template for the history of the Jews.

First, there was a struggle  causing Jacob to leave to leave his place of birth- just as has happened so many times in our history. Gd told him  that his descendants would spread abroad to the west, the east, the north and the south. And it is so. Jews live in virtually every country, and in every corner of the world.

When Yaakov went to Lavan he was invited to stay and work. When Lavan recognized Yaakov’s business acumen he encouraged his son-in-law to stay. But when Yaakov’s wealth increased Lavan became suspicious and angry so Yaakov fled with his family and his own wealth. How many times has that happened throughout history? Jews were welcomed to Egypt, Spain, France,  Holland, Germany, England, Poland, Lithuania, and more where they practised medicine, were traders, and improved the mercantile system. When the population either became jealous of their success or ran into financial difficulty Jews became scapegoats and were victimized. And the Jews have had to escape unprovoked persecution time and time again.

And of course Yaakov and his wives had twelve children- each of them unique. We, today, are a people of many unique traditions and interpretations.

It is significant that angels begin and end the narrative. As Yaakov leaves his homeland he is greeted by angels and Gd. At the end of the narrative Gd warns him to leave Lavan and the angels meet him again.

Yaakov’s descendants, B’nei Yisrael, are accompanied by angels of Gd. It may not seem like it but miracles happen every day. There are horrible tragedies that can only be attributed to סינאת חנם , baseless hatred. Even so, lives in Israel are miraculously protected every day. In these times of terror and upside down morality we are accompanied by angels- but we have to keep our hearts and ears open in order to hear them.

Have a Shabbat Shalom, and keep the faith! For a wonderful look at a ladder to heaven watch this youtube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZguOD4hmcw

 Laya