Marriages and Weddings

Jacob’s Dream  by Laya Crust

This week’s parsha, VaYeitze, tells the story of Jacob’s time in Padan Aram from start to finish. He left his family in Be’er Sheva to escape his bother’s wrath and seek a wife among his mother’s family. When he decided to return home he had two wives, two concubines, twelve sons and one daughter plus cattle and wealth.

When Jacob arrived in Padan Aram he saw his cousin Rachel at a well and fell in love with her. He promised to work for seven years for her hand in marriage. He was tricked by his Uncle Lavan and the morning after the wedding he discovered he had married Leah, the older sister. So Jacob worked an additional seven years in order to marry his beloved Rachel.

In this story we see the foundation of certain elements of the traditional Jewish marriage ceremony. Before the wedding ceremony under the chuppah we have the “Bedecken” when the groom sees the bride’s face before lowering her veil. This is to ensure the groom marries his chosen bride, and avoids the trick played on Jacob. As in ancient times there is an exchange of goods between the two families. The bride brings a dowry and the groom gives something of value to the bride’s family. In Isaac’s case his proxy, Eliezer, gave precious silver and gold and “raiment” to Rebecca’s family. In Jacob’s case he didn’t have valuables so he pledged to work for seven years for each of his brides.

Florentine Ketubah by Laya Crust

Over 2,000 years ago Jews began to use a written marriage contract. The ketubah, meaning “writ” in Hebrew, records the date and place of the wedding, the names of the bride and groom, and the financial obligations of each family. This legal document was the first legal document in history designed to ensure financial stability for a married woman.

Throughout time couples started to get decorated ketubahs. Now it is very popular for a couple to commission an original, hand written and painted ketubah, or to buy a poster-type ketubah on line.

I’ve been making ketubahs for decades and have designed and painted over 600 of them! The ketubah in still written in the ancient language of Aramaic and still mentions dowry and the husband’s responsibilities towards his wife and her well being.  Some traditions use actual dollar values and some ceremonially use ancient currencies.

 

Joy by Laya Crust ——- Tova and Cliel’s Stairway to Heaven by Laya Crust

Leah and Rachel, Jacob’s wives, didn’t have a ketubah. They were fortunate to be married to a man who took care of them and their children, honoured his obligations to his father-in-law, and was able to feed and shelter his large family. It’s true- there were jealousies and difficulties, but Jacob did take care of his own.

I love making ketubahs- discovering a couple’s dreams and preferences. If you want to see more examples of my ketubahs, maybe even order one or commission your own, take a look at my website: www.layacrust.com. 

Make sure to read this week’s Torah portion and enjoy. It’s the beginning of a world altering family saga! Have a Shabbat Shalom,

Laya

 

 

 

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art by Laya Crust

Ki Teitze: Devarim (Deuteronomy) 21: 10 – 25: 19

Haftarah- Isaiah 54: 1-10

This week’s Torah reading is dense with laws- an amazingly long list of 74 directives. The laws regard daily behaviour of individuals within a community rather than being laws pertaining to a person’s relationship with God. We don’t read about sacrifices or Temple service. The laws look at relationships between husbands and wives, parents and children, neighbours, the underprivileged, trees and crops, and even between humans and animals. This is the parsha that includes the unexpected  decree that before taking eggs out of a nest one must shoo away the mother bird- supposedly to save the mother bird the anguish of seeing its  (future) young being abducted.

art by Laya Crust

The range of laws and guidelines is impressive. They look at family and seemingly personal issues – the unloved wife, the rebellious child, a lost object… and treat those issues with the same gravity as crimes such as murder. The poor and weak members of society are also noticed in this parsha. The treatment of one’s servants is addressed.  All those must be cared for and treated with dignity.

Laws concerning women are quite prominent here. Yibbum or levirate marriage, unloved wives, questioned virginity, and the treatment of women who have been captured in war are all considered in this parsha.  To our modern eyes the reading is often disturbing, but we have to remember what was going on in biblical times.

art by Laya Crust

Women had no status and no rights. They left their  home and family to lead a probably cloistered life with their husband’s family. Abuse and murder of women was ignored because it was seen as being under the jurisdiction and purview of the husband or father.Rabbi Sacks quotes Nahum Sarna, “Exploring Exodus”, p. 176, who writes:

For example, in the Middle Assyrian Laws, the rape of unbetrothed virgin who lives in her father’s house is punished by the ravishing of the rapist’s wife, who also remains thereafter with the father of the victim. Hammurabi decrees that if a man struck a pregnant woman, thereby causing her to miscarry and die, it is the assailant’s daughter who is put to death.

The quotation continues indicating that the children of a criminal were often expected to suffer the penalty of their father’s crimes.  If a builder erected a house which collapsed, killing the owner’s son, then the builder’s son, not the builder, is put to death.   Judaism recognized these injustices and established laws to erase the inequality and unfairness. Children were not required to pay for their father’s crimes.

In fact, Cities of Refuge were established so that a person who killed another by mistake would be safe from the revenge.

Many of the laws listed in Ki Teitzei  were ground breaking. An individual was judged for his own crimes. The community was given guidelines for fairness and community responsibility. For the first time a woman’s status and treatment were deemed important enough to discuss. Women were recognized as deserving respect and protection. Children were treated as people, not commodities. And even the land was to be respected.

Judaism is a model for a just and generous society.   “And thou shalt remember that you were a slave in the land of Egypt: therefore I command you to do this thing.” Deuteronomy 24: 22).  That one phrase communicates humility and the pursuit of integrity and justice.

Have a meaningful Shabbat,

Laya